WELCOME

HELLO and THANK YOU for reading my very first blog post ever. Its taken me a long time to get to this point, and by that I mean the point in which I feel I can write about my own experiences with the hope of benefitting others that go through similar things. My first blog post will be something of an introduction to myself and my story.

BEFORE

Eating disorders begin from a very young age because as we grow up, we establish a relationship with food. My family was one that many would consider "healthy." We never had name brand food in the house, everything was organic, and we very rarely went out to eat. As I got into high school, my body began to change and I started feeling self conscious about my midsection, but only in a way that felt "normal." I played competitive soccer, which means I exercised for 2+ hours daily. I was eating from my mom's organic kitchen and working out just like all my teammates, so why didnt my body look as good as theirs? I was confused and bothered but again, I thought it was normal. When it came time for college, I was exposed to a world of eating out, dining halls and unlimited access to food that I had never before experienced. It was also the first time in my life that my exercise wasn't planned, so I began planning it myself. I exercised in a way that I didn't realize was unhealthy, which lead to injury, distress, weight gain, and a newfound obsession with the number on that scale.

And so the spiral continued. Flash forward to my first year of PT school, I signed up for a marathon in hopes of using exercise to cope with the school stress I was constantly under. Surprise! I got injured again, was forced to quit training, and again gained weight. The extremely surprising number on that scale was now higher than it had ever been, and I decided I would do everything in my power to bring it back down to where it was before going to college. I turned to cutting out foods, skipping lunch, 2 a day workouts, and occasionally binging and purging.

I'm not ignorant. I was studying to be a health professional and I KNEW it was wrong, I knew it was unhealthy, yet I continued because I was so extremely desperate to lose weight. I would sit on my tub next to the toilet telling myself it was not the answer, crying before and after. I was ashamed. What I before thought was normal had escalated to a detrimental point.

That was then. This is now.

TODAY

I have not stepped on a scale in almost one year. I see a nutritionist that specializes in eating disorders. I fuel my body as much as it desires and I workout daily because it makes me feel great. I have NO idea what that number on the scale is. Am I curious? Tempted? OF COURSE! But I am in a place were I don't need it to be happy. I work hard every day to improve my perspective on life. I succeed and I fail...every day.

This blog will chronicle my current drive towards loving myself and loving my body and everything that comes with it. I will talk about eating, working out, getting help and anything I feel will be relatable in terms of mental and physical health. I will write for me but also for you, and I will always be completely transparent and honest.

My water bottle says, "Strong is the new pretty". Before I strove to be skinny which I thought would make me pretty. Now I strive to be physically and mentally STRONG.

Have a wonderful day!